CFDA: Canine Fashion Design Academy

So as you all know, it's that time of year again where students send collection after collection traipsing down runways in a blaze of graduate fashion glory. As I sat front row at Istituto Marangoni, perched atop Uncle Bert's lap, I found that the designs prowling the catwalks were as usual, not to my poofy couture standards (that is, completely biased towards humans) and I soon sought out Uncle Bert's roast beef to snack on and tuned out the rest of the show. There weren't even any bags that piqued my interest to test drive.  I am just sick of watching these girls prancing about on two legs, modeling looks that no doginista in her right mind would ever sport--it's just plain species-ist.

Humans complain endlessly about models being too thin, too young, whining on and on--but aside from Mulberry's shows, how many pups do you see strutting their stuff down the runway? The pet industry is a £40bn plus and STILL growing. We have our own fashion week in NYC, and our section in Harrods is far superior to yours.

What we don't have, however, is a doggy design school, a place where doginistas and slightly confused humans can learn the tools of the four-legged fashion trade.  What these young pups need to keep brands like Puppia and Pet London fresh and innovative season after season (to those who say a harness is just a harness, I say, Levi's/Balmains, no difference--denim is denim!), is a canine-guided institution: a school where dogs are trained in fashion and train fashion human students as well. Thus I have decided to found the CFDA: Canine Fashion Design Academy. As I already have my Phd in Cuteness, I have taken the liberty of appointing myself headbitch and am currently in the process of scouting locations for our main campus (I'm thinking Hyde Park Corner) and putting together a teaching staff of London's most keen and cutting edge sartorial canine minds. The curriculum is to include classes such as:

Bone embellishment 101

The History of the Collar and Lead

Introduction to Canine Knitwear

Casting Collar for Beginngers

Technical Collar Design 101

Intermediate Seminar in Luxury Leashes

Beginning Shoe-Chewing: The Boot

Intermediate Shoe-Chewing: The Sandal

Advanced Shoe-Chewing: The Stiletto 

Advanced Seminar in Mutt-tastic Millinery 

Principles of Doggy Fashion Styling 102

Advanced Faux Fur for the Real Animal

Enrollment for the 2010/2011 academic year will commence in July. Applicants must submit a portfolio with no less than two examples of Shoe-chewing and concept sketches for a complete look--from collar to lead to pawcovers. Only successful applicants will be contacted.